The Spirit of Giving

The neighbors have already begun donning lights and wreaths, and every store we visit has been transformed in the spirit of commercialism Christmas. This time of year is both exciting and stressful for different reasons. There is so much that I love: the emphasis on time with family, the carrying on of traditions, and the spirit of giving. It has always been a time of year that I have looked forward to with great anticipation. With each passing year, however, I have begun to see another side of it. The spirit of giving is a wonderful thing, but the tradition of gift-giving seems to have gotten out of hand.

Photo credit: Michael Holden

The Numbers

Nearly half (43%) of American families spend more than they earn each year. The average American household with credit cards owes over $8,000 in credit card debt, never mind car loans, student loans, and mortgages. Despite piling debt and an uncertain job market, the average American will likely spend roughly $700 on holiday-related shopping this year, not to include things such as food. It's madness! 

Even for those of us who are more careful about budgeting and avoiding debt, holiday gift-giving can be quite stressful. We feel the obligation to reciprocate, and not just by giving gifts to those who give gifts to us, but also by at least nearly matching the value of said gifts. Even the best gift-givers among us will have trouble finding just the right thing for everyone, and trying to find that perfect gift in a particular window of time can suck all the fun out of holiday shopping when it gets close to crunch time. Then there is always that one person who surprises you or your children with a gift, and for whom you have prepared nothing in return. Most of us simply enjoy giving, but the expectations associated with holiday gifting can make the whole process feel more like an obligation than a joy at times. 

Aside from the money spent, there's also the time. Shopping for gifts can be just as fun as giving and receiving them, but camping out and risking broken bones at "Black Friday" sales, or fighting traffic and parking miles away from the shopping mall when the "shopping days" till Christmas have all but run out make the whole ordeal more stressful than joyful.

Of course there are ways around all of this. We can do "Secret Santa" to cut down on the number of obligatory gifts to be exchanged. We can shop local and early to reduce stress and time spent in big box stores while supporting local artists and businesses at the same time. We can talk to family members to arrive at agreed upon spending limits and avoid concerns that we'll be out-gifted. Giving and receiving gifts absolutely can be a purely joyful and exciting tradition, but it takes a great deal of effort to avoid the common pitfalls of "holiday shopping" - and avoid sending mixed messages to our children.

Photo and cookie credit: The New Mommy

As for our family, the New Daddy and I have made a decision. We have talked and talked about the kinds of values we want to model for Annabelle, and for any children we may be fortunate enough to add to our family later on. In the end, we have decided not to participate in traditional gift-giving. Instead, we've asked our families to send us a photo of them and recipes for a favorite food or for a beloved holiday tradition. We plan to make a book each year with the photos we receive, and to see what we can learn and adopt from the favorite traditions and recipes of our loved ones. Of course we will send photos and cards, and we'll bake cookies for the neighbors. We'll enjoy all of the fun and excitement that this season has to offer, without the material things. It will be interesting to see how our traditions evolve over the years and I'm excited for what's to come. 

What are some of your family's most treasured holiday traditions?  How do you keep stress levels low during the holiday season? Do you celebrate a traditional holiday, or shirk tradition and do things your own way?